Stop Waiting For Love

State this phrase. Out loud, into the open if you can.

I will not tolerate low self-worth.

Say it with meaning. Repeat it if you must. This will be our Valentine’s Day mantra. We are going to learn to love, or have deep affection for something, so we might grow our personal potential.

Two to tango is not the key to happiness, fulfillment, and peace if the together status is the end goal. Otherwise every coupled person would be chill waiting in line, amiable at the grocery store, and the most caring coworker at the office. If you have observed these happily in love people making the world a better place just because of their relationship, then please email me to reevaluate my thinking process.

Worthwhile love is the pursuit of something, somebody, or some purpose that causes you to sacrifice a little bit of yourself. Love is active, and that is why an immediate stop to passive waiting is the first step in getting it. Claiming love grants a special freedom where you are in charge of your joy.

Picture your favorite romantic comedy, love story, or celebrity engagement news.

How do many of these feel good stories start?

The girl wandering the grocery story looking for her favorite can of soup. The guy jumping for the overthrown football only for it to land at the feet of the one person he needs. The child tackled by a puppy on Christmas morning. The iconic first moments are a blissfully unaware person realizing what they were missing.

My look up and notice what I was missing moment catalyzed the first painful steps on my journey to loving my career. The process began after someone close to me expressed the love they felt for their job. They punched out most days fulfilled by their work. For years after, I pined after a job that made me feel successful, valuable, and intelligent. The low feelings emerged from an absence of what I wanted. I stood there, looking at any other position with all its attractions, holding the football thinking, well I don’t have a great job but I want it.

Then the chase began. A healthy pursuer pauses for water, snacks, and breaths. An abusive pursuit is throwing oneself forward into the abyss without purpose. Relationships can be like this at the beginning if we are not careful. We think we need to know everything about a person, friend or love, right up front so we are not duped.

But a healthy deep dive into love considers patience, learning, and second chances. For ourselves too. I full well believed when my first job imploded in a court case where I was subpoenaed to testify against my fraudulent, embezzling former boss, I had picked the wrong major and would need to return to college to amend the situation. Giving myself second chances, after mistakes and unfortunate scandals, is a way I am learning to love my work and my choices well.

Good things, the falling in love type things, take time and are worth that slow grow process. When I found a new workplace, I believed I was happy and all the sudden my workdays turned into twelve hour shifts. My paychecks would list equal hours overtime to regular time. With each attempt to “love” my job, I fell out of love, burnt out and exhausted. Build up to the commitment and energy required of something that has snagged your attention.

And if it is a person, save breathing room between the two of you. Love them well by sacrificing your desire to be together constantly. Think about the overwatered plant every time you pick up your phone for text. Did I water this plant with too much affection one hour ago? Let the soil drain and the roots will become sturdy to support healthy growth.

After the chase and lock down, there is the blessed period of contentment. This time is for you to know confidence in your choice. The movies and books rarely show this stage because the uninformed popular opinion believes it is boring. A steady relationship is the most wonderful investment. Stability, confidence, and security are wholesome love letters we send to ourselves.

We should not wait to know love until we are dehydrated and starved of any feelings. And we cannot go around turning over rocks trying to find any old place to put down roots.

I left five jobs, attempted to work for many bosses, and trained in ten science fields thinking I would stumble upon the job I loved where I could be proud of myself. I almost gave up, withered with broken roots, until I talked to that friend who loved their job.

At first, their love did not make sense to me. The industry they worked in has a terrible reputation for employee retention, friends and coworkers were always coming and going. The customers they served were not always nice or kind or patient. The building they worked at was far from home with a commute over thirty-five minutes each way. But their passion for their job was not altered by these elements. Instead this individual’s value in themselves and their talents burned as true love for what they did. Each day they put their best foot forward and gave everything to the company. They made their own joy from the start. There was no waiting around to feel the feels and wait for their workplace to dote on them, they jumped in and did it themselves.

Warning: saying that first statement about self-worth is a process. But saying it aloud can be the first step to ending the apathy driven tolerance that is sucking away your potential for love. I do not say I love my job right now, but I proclaim, “I love my work!” I love being productive in the lab and working long hours on my manuscript during the weekend.

I could still be waiting around to love my job. You might be waiting around to feel loved by a significant other or feral neighborhood cat or aloof boss or expensive hobby. Or you can turn the tables and stop waiting on another and love from within. Self-worth is just that, starting with the self.

Today your challenge is to stop waiting, stop looking, stop searching and fall in love. Look up from whatever is distracting you and feel the first inkling of twitterpation. Teach yourself to chase something good for you with your time, talents, and passion. Then when it is good, like cannot stop smiling, want to race home and do it some more, settle your roots in and grow in that love. Provide your new relationship with good lighting, healthy nutrition, and clean space. It will not be too many seasons before you produce unbelievable fruit that will shock everyone at the first taste of the new you.