Help! All this self-help isn't helping.
Audible® dinged on my phone. A pre-order must have dropped this week. My fingers flicked over the lock screen and tapped the familiar app. Listening to audiobooks has ramped up since I took a new management position at work. No more bellowing along to Ed Sheeran during the commute, I have serious things to learn. The downloading icon swirled on my screen.
Who Do I Think I Am? Chola Wishes & Caviar Dreams by Anjelah Johnson-Reyes
I giggled, thinking about Anjelah’s hilarious Nail Salon bit from MADtv. Also, this book, such a good title.
Wait…if Anjelah Johnson was asking, “Who do I think I am?” Then who do I think I am?
This question makes me itch. Always the gal in the throes of improving something I still struggle to answer identity questions. Part of me feels my time of, “Um, well, you see,” is running out. Thirty is around the corner and Jennifer Gardner schooled me that this was when 30, flirty, and thriving would be in the bag.
help!
I need help. I need a break from all the self-improvement I have been investing in. While yes being open to change is critical right now given the state of our world. Too much change leads to unsustainable improvements.
This week, I am attending Dr. Jordan B. Peterson’s lecture following the release of his latest published book, Beyond Order. To get ready I’ve been reading his twelve hefty rules for life. These words struck a chord:
When things are in an uproar I lean into advice columns, self-help books, podcasts, long walks with wise friends, and calendars. Peterson clued me in that as we seek to understand ourselves discomfort will arise because we are actually in tension with our old and new selves. The above passage was a heap of encouragement while causing me feelings of mild panic. It would seem my self-discovery is tripping up my potential.
No wonder you and I are battle worn from this process!
In two years of actively welcoming and embracing change and fluidity I have realized something important:
Being able to repeat systemic improvements is crucial.
Try asking these three questions to gauge if you have too much self-help happening in your life right now.
One. Are your new ideas distracting you from sustaining prior improvements?
Two. Does everything seem like a good idea to you right now?
Three. Have you asked a trustworthy friend if they have noticed positive changes about you?
Self-help practices can be very isolating to an individual under intense self-scrutiny. It’s the nature of the process. And while every person does need seasons for reflection and deconstructing old ways, seeking continuous improvement can really beat us down. I can always tell when I am too focused on making changes when my friends, husband, and family are confused by the decisions I am making. They will say, “You aren’t really acting like yourself.” And they are always right. If we are making positive improvements of ourselves the junk is what will fall away, not one’s distilled nature.
As I enter into a new period of my life, I plan to idle in it. Not be idle, but idle my engine to build up the momentum for the green light blast when it happens. And while the person I am becoming could take me many places, I don’t really know who I think that I am totally. And I would bet that she is just as valuable now as she will be.
Today, I am dropping off all my motivational, career advice, self-help books at the office. Right where they belong for now. Some will get loaned to peers starting their journey. Others I will pull quotes for presentations and coaching sessions. A handful will hold coffee mugs and act as décor on my desk.
A nugget of advice for you and me: Trust in the work you have done and are putting in. Create space to step into it and harvest the fruit. Throughout the year, turn that fruit into jam or sangria or pie or something sweet and share it with everyone around you!
p.s. I have linked a couple favorites below in case you need some happy mail to come your way. Click and it will link you right to the product. I am an Amazon Affiliate and you can find my statement at the bottom of the page.
