Tame Down the Tornado

This past month I wrote a lifestyle article about tumbling through life; not anticipating the relevance of my own advice in less than a month’s time. The short story of the month, Pass the Chopsticks, sparked potent and relevant conversations that reminded me just how important it is to collide, crash, and carry on. The short story was taken down for reconstruction as a result of these eye opening conversations. While it is never fun to hear about the times you rolled over someone’s feelings. Or be confronted when you parade through another person’s beautifully curated garden spreading weed seeds. There are valuable lessons in learning to be a considerate tumbleweed.

So, here are my three core reflections from writing Pass the Chopsticks and gathering kind, gracious responses for better stewardship of these stories we love to share.

1.       Make complete, well informed choices.

You all, my readers, saw me tumble into a pretty unsightly mistake as I posted a lighthearted, YA, food themed story about discovering culture. Basically, I crafted an identity story from the wrong perspective. And while I spent months writing the story, connecting to the characters, and researching cultural elements for authenticity. A small niggling feeling remained that this story could have way more serious implications.

Thankfully the people who responded to my story did so in a kind, teaching approach rather than punt kicking the lost tumbleweed.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the empathy and connection we feel to a real-life story it is hard to disconnect ourselves and remember this is someone else’s experience. The lines of empathy and sympathy and understanding are more than grey, sometimes they are not even drawn out.

When I sat down with one of my readers, who is Chinese American, we discussed the very components of my story that just were not quite right. She looked at me across the table and said, “How could you know how a Cantonese mother would act? You were not raised by one.”

On top of all the subtleties I misconstrued, it is quite possible some of you missed them too. And in a way by creating a fiction story so close to reality I created a piece of unreality that will be hard for all of us to forget. My friend put it this way: it is just close enough to believe and not send your readers looking for the truth.

2.       Gather your audience wisely, and then find a few more to add.

In preparing to release a short story, I always gather an audience to pre-read my story. I ask them to scrutinize the irregularities, identify missed social cues, or point out inauthentic human behavior. Pass the Chopsticks was no exception. Some readers that I brought along in this process matched the profile of the narrator in the short story and some matched the narrator’s experience.

Even with my team of readers, I still missed the mark on having a comprehensive scan. When you are working on a project or speaking to a team always gather up a test group, be so thorough, and then snag a couple more people. Even if you cover every nuance that could prick feelings, someone might notice you are going way past your time cutting off the presenter after you. Or maybe you use words that are respectful, but your primary audience does not understand and all of your work on an article was for naught because the words were unfamiliar.

We cannot appease every person and tailor our work specific to one audience member at a time. But as a tumbleweed always on the move we can steward our approach and always improve.

3.       Listen, learn, and try again.

Pass the Chopsticks, is not the only example of a super enthusiastic writer or journalist or musician or artist jumping into a space in front of someone else. The intentions may be kind and loving but not really caring.

This experience extends beyond the writing world and into how we discover good stories too. To be a responsible listener and reader, we must take on the challenge of exposing ourselves to firsthand accounts.

For example, this story should not be anybody’s stopping point for understanding the implications of international adoption, untangling culture and identity, or being Chinese American. But the tale can point people to understanding how important food is to feeling connected to home, provision, and security. When we look to find a story we connect with, invest time into the discovery. Discover who the author and their intent is. Research the context for a book you are planning to dive into. Ask important questions when you are hearing someone share their experience. Then place the story squarely where it belongs for yourself, your recommendations to others, and your shared opinions of the subject matter.

That point from last month about bouncing into others; well damaging collisions can be controlled and repaired. Travel light and airy so when you do come tumbling in, you won’t hurt those around you. Be free to hear people out, improve, and then move on down the path ahead.